I am outraged at how people can still be ashamed of using online dating services. A friend of mine finally decided to try something new to change her love life. Since none of the conventional ways seemed to work out well for her, she agreed to register on a dating site. She still doesn't believe that anything good can come of it, but we did spend the whole evening reading men's profiles, looking through their pictures, trying to predict what kind of person is hidden behind those online profiles.
Everything was the same old story - shy guys have just one picture, usually taken as a reflection in the mirror, womanizers share tons of photos depicting the most show-off moments of their lives (new luxurious car, tanned body with a six-pack, etc.). However, in the midst of all that there were couple of points that really caught my attention - in nearly a third of these profiles men wrote that they didn't want anybody to know that they met their wife/girlfriend on the online dating site. Such a confession was usually followed by the list of places where people can actually meet in real life. "All our friends need to know is that we met at a grocery store". "Nobody would ever know we met on this site, we were going to the same gym, I stopped by to help you fix your car on the highway... "
Another thing that disturbed me a little is that nearly half of these profile descriptions start with a detailed explanation of why they decided to try dating online - "I'm tired of the bar scene and a friend told me about this matchmaking service", "I would never start using online dating sites but due to my work hours I don't have any opportunity to meet people in real life". Excuses, excuses...
My observation made me think a lot about why people are so ashamed of using dating sites. One of the obvious reasons that came to mind is that somewhere deep inside we all still dream to meet our special ones in a sort of magical way. Though we also know that magic doesn't exist, we still want this first meeting to be somehow unexpected - that way we have a great story to tell our kids and grandchildren. However, when you go online in order to find the love of your life, it is by no means unexpected or magical. You know exactly why you are there - you are searching for your soul mate among all these profiles, appealing and not so much. You are lost deciding whether numerous pictures are an indicator of an open-minded person or just a minor show-off. You can't make up your mind about whom to invite on a date right away, because you don't know how to choose from all the registered users who "winked" at you.
Yes, sometimes these sites can be very disappointing; however, the advantages definitely outnumber the slight downsides. There's nothing to be ashamed of - the world has changed. It is probably way harder to meet somebody on public transportation nowadays, because of the crazy pace at which we live our lives - nobody wastes even a second. Have you been to the New York subway? If yes, then you must have seen that each person is either staring at their iPad, reading a book or newspaper or simply listening to music with their earbuds in.
I'm telling you, it is tough out there in the real world and using dating services online is not a bad idea. It's just going along with the trend. Besides, nobody says you need to register on the sites that are open to everyone. Some of the best online dating sites offer a lot of privacy options. It is understandable that sometimes you don't really want your friends or colleagues to know that you are desperately searching for your soul mate - just limit the visibility to the registered members or hide your profile from "unwanted" people using the same service.