You are a 100% custom-made person and there is no one in the world like you. No one has the same thoughts, the same clothing, the same hobbies, the same reactions, the same family, or the same background as you. So why should you have to do the same things everyone else is doing and follow their rules? Being passionate about something – anything – is almost as attractive as being successful at doing it. If you love to dance and are insanely passionate about it, but in reality are not a great dancer, you can still make "dancing" your core identity. It's not possible to date and retain a high-quality partner without having a strong and attractive identity. Men: No supermodel or actress will continue to date you just because you seemed confident when she first met you. Women: No rock star or pro football player will continue to date you just because you're a great flirt.
High-quality people want depth and you must continue to build yourself not only to improve your dating life but also to enhance your overall quality of life.As an online dating coach, I know that you must apply these concepts in order to be successful at online dating. Here are four basic tips to enhancing your online dating life:
Get professional pictures: Once you have a solid style that aligns with your identity, hire a professional photographer to take pictures of you in cool and interesting poses. Bring a few different pairs of clothes and try some artistic poses. Before you meet with the photographer, do some research and check out www.Flickr.com for ideas for pictures.
Both men and women agree that the picture is the most important factor when someone is deciding whether they want to talk to you. Professional pictures will show you in the best light, the coolest poses, and will even make people wonder why you have professional photos (which will make you seem more interesting). On a lot of dating sites you can write a description of the picture, and if it's a professional picture, just write underneath "Professional photo shoot for work." Keep them wondering!Quantity is king: Have patience and message everyone! The more you message people, the more success you will have. Be sure to mention something about the person's profile in your message and relate it to your identity.
Always be the selector: Make it abundantly clear the type of people you are not interested in. For example, write in your "likes" profile, "I'm adventurous and outgoing, so if you're boring and hate having fun, do NOT message me. We won't get along." This not only defines your identity but also lets people know that you have options.
Don't be serious or needy: Even if you're looking for the most passionate and committed relationship in the world, just remember one thing: People just want to have fun! It is not necessary to go into depth about the "seriousness of your need to be in a relationship" when you are writing your profile. This will turn off most of the desirable people in online dating (and real-life dating for that matter).
Once you have a meet-up confirmed, the rules of attraction differ ever so slightly with online dating. Because you've never met the person before, the very first thing that you want to do is build an enormous amount of comfort with each other. This can be done by simply finding commonalities and talking about your own passions. Once you have built comfort, and then move on to building attraction. An exercise I give my clients as an online dating coachis to visit www.Okcupid.com and set up an account. Spend a few hours going through dating profiles and try to find the most enticing profiles. Steal their material! If you see something funny or interesting you'd like to use, then why reinvent the wheel? Good luck!